30. Discussing Harassment and Dismissal of Harassment Towards Women [T W : Sexual Assault, Harassment, Violence]

It really does not surprise me that within mere days of International Women’s Day that people are dismissing women’s stories of men perpetuating abuse onto them and dictating how women should in turn prepare for and respond to being assaulted.

The majority of this “debate” rose from the awful news of suspected murder of missing woman Sarah Everard, in which she was blamed for walking alone, even though she followed the safety guidelines which are taught to girls and women everywhere; wear bright clothing, walk places you will be seen and noticed, contact someone to inform them of your whereabouts, etc.

Source: Gina Martin Via Instagram 

Following this, a statistic derived from research by U. N Women came out revealing that around 97% of women and girls between the ages of 18 and 24 have been harassed or assaulted in some form or another. This of course was contested in responses made, making out these statistics were wildly ridiculous and unbelievable, some even going as far as to say that this was just another way to oppress men...

These statistics are not wildly ridiculous or unbelievable at all, and I truly believe those making claims as such are just ignorant and unwilling to face the problem. If they were so unbelievable, then how come almost every woman I know has experienced some form of harassment in their lifetime? 

And it isn’t just people I know. It has happened to me also.

If the statistics are so unbelievable, then how come when I was in Year 8, in my school uniform, I was harassed and catcalled out of the window of a car on my own street for months? And those same men attempted to obstruct me whilst walking my dog, around the corner from my house, to attempt to get me in their car? Luckily, my dog went ballistic, and I was able to run home, but that is not the point. This situation is still harassment and traumatic, and worse than that, I was only a child. A child who was out in broad daylight, in her school uniform, in a busy area. What makes me even angrier is that I am not the only person who has experienced a situation like this when they were in school.

And this was not the last time I was harassed or assaulted.

 

Source: cutecatcalls via Instagram

Over the 22 years of my life, I have experienced many different branches of sexual harassment. I have been catcalled and shouted abuse at in the street for ignoring said catcalls, I have been grabbed and assaulted in a club, I have had sexual and harassing comments made to me at work, I have had men attempt to coerce me into doing things I haven’t wanted to do and be forceful when I have shown reluctance, I have had my drink spiked whilst out with friends and my boyfriend, and I have been manipulated and abused into situations by people I believed I could trust. 

 

This is not stated in means for anyone reading to “feel sorry for me”, but to emphasise how prevalent these situations are, so prevalent that not only have I experienced these things personally, but that almost every friend I have has had something along these lines happen to them also. Not only am I angry for myself, but I am angry for myself and other people who have had to endure assault and the aftereffects of it.

 

The statistics therefore in no way surprise me, nor should they surprise you, as I can guarantee most women you ask will have experienced a situation like those that I have and potentially worse, and having people doubt that these things happen regularly, or even deny that it could have happened in the first place, causes a whole lot of damage.

This behaviour causes individuals to feel afraid to come forward, as they think they will not be believed or have their experience downplayed or ignored. This causes people to hold onto their trauma and make them unable to process it healthily.

 

It took me a long time to really process and realise the reality of situations that have been forced upon me, and I am still processing them to this day, as is the same for many women around me and across the globe. Sometimes it takes sharing these situations to really understand the weight behind them and how it has affected you to really begin the healing process. 

 

It is therefore not a debatable matter and never should have been and holding disbelief and victim blaming is extremely damaging for victims and allows for these behaviours to continue.

 

Women should not be afraid to walk down the street at night or in broad daylight, but we are. Women should not be afraid to be alone in a bar or a club, but we are. Women should not be weary of men who are close to me and their intentions, but we are. And this is because of the men who have abused and mistreated them and those around them, because these experiences haunt you.

 

Source: jameelajamiloffical via Instagram

Women should not have to come forward with their trauma and gritty details to be believed or supported.

People need to listen and make change. Men need to listen and make change. Listen to your female friends, listen to your female family members. Listen to people who come forward.

 Call out those who perpetuate sexist, abusive, and gross behaviours or pass off their behaviour as a joke, because it is not funny, and it normalises the continuation of this disgusting and harmful behaviour.

The statistics and Sarah Everard’s story should have stood as a wakeup call, but instead they are being twisted to provide ignorant people who are too stubborn to learn with a platform to voice their ignorance further.

 

Education on assault and enforcing the safety of women matters and needs to be incorporated into learning from an early age, into workplaces, and into the media.

And for those who are ignorant now, their education needs to be sought out. It should not be down to the abused to educate them because they refuse to believe a statistic, or refuse to read up on the matter, or even refuse to believe those who come forward.

I have listed some petitions and links below relating to the subject:

Sex Education and Consent to be mandatory in primary schools 

Require local authorities to fund specific domestic abuse services for women

Condemn the government of India on Rape and Sexual Violence against women

Help after rape and sexual assault - NHS

Victim Support